Written by Harriet Evans, Senior Client Services Manager at Will It Make The Boat Go Faster?
As I sit here and glug down my third coffee this morning (or maybe it’s my fourth), I am reflecting on what it really means to be a working mum. Work-life balance for anyone juggling parenthood and work can be an ongoing battle. Firstly, hats off to anyone who tries! Below, I share my guidance, I’ve collected through my journey in the hope this may be helpful for others.
There is a quote from Indra Nooyi, the former Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo which has always stuck with me:
Put aside the guilt. I think we’re all genetically programmed to feel guilty for not giving total effort at work, or at home. If you give up the guilt, that’s a huge load off your shoulders.
But oh man isn’t that easier said than done! If you are a perfectionist, like me, when it feels like you have a million jobs to do, deadlines to meet, and mouths to feed (quite literally with two under five), life feels very hard. This is where, working at Will It Make The Boat Go Faster?, I have turned to some of our own concepts and methodology, in order to ground myself and move forward with my ‘mountain’ of jobs:
1) Control the Controllables
This has helped me distinguish between:
- What is actually in my control.
- What I can influence.
- What I don’t actually have much (or any!) control over. That which I should “push out my mind, completely write off and shove out the window” (my own terminology, not Will It?’s).
This crucial outlook has really made a difference and helped me gain perspective on a number of occasions recently.
Reflecting on what my concern is and scoping out what I can actually do about it, verses what is outside of my power. For example, the current childcare situation in the UK; ever increasing costs, scarcity of childcare options and women dropping out of the workforce as a result (Pasha-Robinson, 2022). Right now, I certainly cannot control who our new Prime Minister is, and I cannot control what they think about this current situation. However, perhaps I can have some influence through petitions to the Government and control my own attendance to show support at a march. Therefore, last weekend I marched with fellow parents and supporters in the March of The Mummies. This was a national protest to demand Government reform on childcare, parental leave and flexible working (Pregnant then Screwed, 2022).
Why is this so important to me, and should be for everyone? The research actually tells us two vital things:
1). Having women in your business, makes your teams smarter (Doyle, 2011).
2). People prefer a job that promotes a better work-life balance over salaries (Wong et al, 2020).
I am fortunate enough to work for Will It?, where we not only have a great number of women on the team, but here they actively advocate wellbeing and work-life balance. However, other people are not so fortunate.
This weekend will be about me attempting to influence something, and also my own personal balance of doing something for myself. I can only hope this sort of march can shine a light and pave the way for the rest of those working parents, people like me that love their job, but right now, the burden and cost of childcare, and its availability, is becoming unbearable.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we had a childcare system in place whereby if you wanted to work, you could? Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could work and still have the flexibility to attend their Christmas play, poetry reading and butterfly tea party? (yes this was a real invite).
It’s also worth noting that I could have spent all my time worrying about the state of childcare in the UK and not actually done anything. However, by ‘Controlling the Controllables’ I’m now thinking much more around what I can action and influence. This mentality switch has helped me move towards attending the above march and using Will It?’s platform to write this article.
2) The 10-minute Rule AKA “Swallow the frog”
My second tip I have for balancing my life, workload and making things happen (no time for procrastination here as I finish that fourth coffee!) is a concept we use at Will It? called the “10-minute rule”. Or as some of us in the team refer to it as “Swallow the Frog”. Sometimes it can seem like you have so many things to accomplish this week, day or even hour, but often it is as simple as just getting started and taking that first step. So, next time you find yourself putting off that job (that’s perhaps been on your to do list a while!), just stop and give it 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes! Research has shown that your brain has a spike of activity (effort) when you start something, but once started, there is much less activity. So, the hardest part is the first part.
Give yourself permission to do it for 10 minutes only. That permission to stop after 10 minutes is the magic trick. And you know what? After you’ve taken the first step you’ve broken the back of it – you’ll find yourself well into something that only a while ago seemed impossible or too daunting to start.
3) Choose How You Feel
A final time tip from me, remember that you have the power! It can be so easy to blame things on everything and everyone else when things get tough. And yes, sometimes blame can even be justified, but in my experience, more often than not, that gets you nowhere. Ben and Harriet, the Co-Authors of the Will It Make The Boat Go Faster book, have an amazing quote that emulates this:
Today is going to be a good day, because I’m going to make it a good day.
Ben and Harriet highlight how the crew used to use this a lot during heavy conditioning training or days where they woke up not feeling it. When they knew a tough day was ahead of them, they still had control over the attitude they approached it with. What was in their control was how they approached it together. You alone have the power to control how you feel, or as I have it written on my desk so I cannot ignore it every day – choose how you feel!
To Recap My Thoughts From Today:
- Control the Controllables – what is actually in your control?
- Make things Happen – just get started, give it 10 minutes!
- Choose how you feel – you have the power!
(oh and perhaps consider my challenge – could your business be doing more for working parents and parental leave?)
So, as I raise my now empty coffee cup (or maybe it should be something stronger – I am functioning on 3-hours sleep), working mums, working parents – I see you! I hope you can “swallow the frog” today, crack on with some of those tasks and release some of the guilt. Have a think on what you can actually control today; you alone have the power to make today a great day!
